It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
