she was so not down for the gang bang
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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