our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I forget how to act sober
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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