My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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