it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
