Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
