He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
