as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
