how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
