I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
