I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize