Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
