My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
