Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
