I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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