guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
