I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize