so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
