You're so nebulous sometimes
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
