I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
