do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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