just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
