u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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