are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
