please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
