Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
