Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
