A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have post one night stand depression
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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