you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
