you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
