there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
