omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
