I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
