I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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