did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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