My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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