I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
