my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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