like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
