i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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