What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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