That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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