Screwed.edu
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
