Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize