he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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