we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
