I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize