I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
