he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
