You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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