I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wear drunk well.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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