I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
