If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
