I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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