she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
