If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
