she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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