I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
