It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
