dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
