I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
