I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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