I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
