Swine flu. Run for my life!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
