JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize