Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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