Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
