the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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