don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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