let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
