I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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