i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
