In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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