You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
